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MindRapeMassacre
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Name: Envy
Location: United States
Interests: Destruction, Chaos, Thievery
Expertise: Transforming myself into anyone I wish to be.
Occupation: Unemployed/Between Jobs
Industry: Other
Message: message me
Member Since:
3/27/2006
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| September 11th passed, and I was the only person in the world who really didn't give two shits. Maybe not, but I've never had good feelings about that day. Not for the reasons that most people don't have good feelings about it, and not the same bad feelings either. I get jealous. I know, it's horrible. But I don't care. I feel envious of every person who was involved in that insane incident. They get remembered. Maybe not singularly, but nationally. Whereas someone close to my heart...the nation wouldn't care. This nation would not honor her. They would not honor her beauty, wisdom, curiosity. Sometimes I feel like I'm one of the few people who still thinks about her every day. I remember exactly where I was that day. I've always been...different. My opinion about that day was always different. I thought the planning was ingenious. I thought that who ever had done this was either very crafty or very crazy. Probably a little bit of both. And I thought that those who were supposed to be in charge of protecting us were outdone by renegades with far less power, far less technology. How is it that a rag-tag group of religious zealots, a bit too enthusiastic for their own good, could pull this off in a place that's supposed to be so powerful? I wondered if that thought ever crossed anyone else's mind. Who was the moron in charge that day? So, you see, I have mixed feelings. When other people reach out in newspaper opinion sections saying things like, "My heart goes to the family and friends of those who died and are suffereing due to Sept. 11" Well, how can I just glance over that and not think of the thousands of people who are starving to death all over the world, the innocents caught in the crossfire of war who are being bombed on a daily basis, women who have to keep their entire bodies covered...who could be stoned to death as punishment. Maybe that's a fallacy. Maybe I'm thinking on too grand a scale. Maybe the death of many people in a rich and powerful country doesn't overshadow the death of many people in a poorer country. Sometimes I don't know anymore. I always seek the truth. But the truth is always one step ahead of me. And I can sense that I'm often blinded by my own passion. "Thousands of American civilians perished that day." Who cares? Thousands of Americans perished in the "War on Terror." Thousands of innocent people perished due to bombs falling on Iraq. Fight smarter, not harder, people. If you take anything away from this...let it be known that this world, our civilization, is full of bullshit. Nothing makes sense because everything is senseless. And I am bitter because of it. Because nothing makes sense. It doesn't matter. I'll remember her. I'll remember her every day. I'll remember her face, even though her scent has already faded. My loss is not greater, but it is not any less important either. She was my best friend, and no one will ever know her the way that I did. No one will remember her like I do. Maybe that's more important. Maybe it's more important that I remember her the way I do because no one else can. Losing her will always leave a larger scar on me than the thousands who died in those two buildings. It's probably not right or proper to say that, but she was always there for me, and I was too young to be concerned about two buildings where world trade takes place. I'm do not pity those who lost loved ones that day. I do not pity the dead. They are dead. I do not want pity. I respect those who suffer because they lost someone that day. I respect the dead. I think it's more important to thank these people for the time they spent with us. It's more important to remember their lives than their deaths. And it's the same with her. This whole entry is probably nothing but a huge contradiction. I guess I'm nothing but a huge contradiction. That's the only thing that makes any sense. I love you, and I will remember you every day, forever. Thanks for the time you spent with me, for the person you helped me become, and for being my best friend. I miss you. | | |
| What have I been doing since February? Too much. And yet...I'm stll bored. Drop me a line. | | |
| My dad is an insensitive, narcissistic, money grubbing, asshole.
My grandfather died two days ago.
This fucking school is sucking all the money out of me through my ass.
I'm never going to make it in this shitty, money driven, war mongering, Americana-society driven world, so I don't even know why I'm still bothering to try.
Thus, Tool is the music I choose to soothe my angry and wounded soul. I'm running out of choices, running out of money, and running out of time.
All my classes have been canceled on me once already, and they're thinking about trying to cancel them on me again. My mail claims that I owe them the 4,000 some odd dollars that I already paid them in loans...because I'm taking all the blame for the fuck-up on my FAFSA that was AT LEAST partially my father's fault...because he doesn't KNOW HOW TO DO HIS OWN GODDAMN PAPER WORK!!!!
Apparently, I'm an ungrateful child who just takes up too much of his time and money. I'm irresponsible and will end up being "one of those people who has to learn things the hard way." I already hate myself enough, can't we just leave it at that? | | |
| As the title states, I only have about 15 minutes to write this post, so it's not going to be as long as I would have hoped.
For those of you who have been missing me, and those of you who haven't missed me while I was gone (Which had better be NONE of you *grin*), I've been busy. My usual excuse would be that I had some tormenting to do to a certain person of small stature, but I'll just be out with it and let you know that IRL I've come back from college and got a job that I hate. T_T I didn't unpack my computer until just a few days ago. So, that's where I've been. And I know you're all interested to know where I've been. 
Been hanging out with the usual. The annoying girlfriend who never shuts up. >> Felt really distant from her as of late. What can I say? I'm not Envy for nothing. I can't stand hearing about how much fun she had with this guy she pretty much constantly hangs out with. He's all she talks about when she's with me. And then she wonders why I'm so quiet. It's because I HATE YOUR NEW BOYFRIEND! *SMH (shakes my head)* God! SHUT UP about Chris. I don't care to hear about how awesome it was staying out in the woods with him until dawn. T_T Duh. And I don't really want to hear about the RP you did with him either...considering the fact that it had romantic connotations behind it, that's kind of irritating. Sometimes I just want her to come out and say it already! Just tell me that it's over. Go back to Chris.
LMFAO!!! I just realized! This must be how one of my close friends feels about me. Well, except for the whole talking about it thing. Ha! I guess I had it coming to me then. xP Stupid Envy..."You do it to yourself." Maybe I'm a bit too amused by all this, but now that I think about it I just want to fall over laughing. Ah...good ol' Kharma...bites you in the ass every time.  Expect more from me later. Time to go find my favorite person in the world and bug the shit out of him because I can't take him to lunch until I've had a shower! HAHAHA! Sucks to be him. Hope he's not too hungry!
~Teh Envy | | |
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Hi!
Can I admit something to you?
Sure.
{<~~ IDIOT} It's a good thing I'll probably never meet any of the people I know on facebook because if I did... {I'm too enraged to remember this part...so I'll substitute with an idiot filler} ...I'd jump the guy who has L as his fakebook. 
*Silent*
*Silent*
*still silent*
*more silence*
"Oh"
